Jumping Back Into The Rythm

Why did it take me so long?

If photography is my passion, why had it been nearly a year since I picked up my camera for fun? I always prepare for pro shoots of events, headshots, and maternity sessions but felt intimidated to pull it out for the very ordinary. The past year has been a roller coster of non-aesthetic, non-instagram worthy moments. In part I have been building a web business and pouring into learning many new skills that will expand my photography into content creation. I also have dealt with burn out and overwhelm due to big changes in responsibility and work. It was a long year of learning and I felt I had nothing pretty to show for it.

The first thing to go is joy

When I get overwhelmed with life the first thing to go is joy. Joy is deemed too costly. Too expensive when there is a long list of must-be-done work hanging over my head. I could easily photograph for others but the artist in me took a back seat for a while, so I could focus on the grunt work that needed to be done. If it brought me joy it needed to wait like cleaning and eating a healthy breakfast before watching cartoons on a Saturday morning. Before I knew it, approaching the camera felt intimidating. I needed to have the perfect outfit, lighting, and set. I needed a cool trip, celebratory moment, or on brand moment to take pics. While I waited for the stars to align, life kept going...and going. My camera became strictly for work.

Breaking through the fog

How did I break through the fog? How did I work my way back to the camera for fun? I simply decided enough was enough. I threw my camera in my bag on a small trip. Tucked between finding fun things to do for a three year old and pulling an all nighter on the highway. Looking for beauty, pattern, interesting things to photograph didn't naturally fit into the trip. I was tired, it was hot, and it was inconvenient. In between exploring the museums and zoo and a small tourist location I squeezed a little joy in. Imperfect pictures. Things that caught my eye (not Instagrams). I snapped pictures of hand-painted signs, grafitti, the small restaurant we ate at in search of pizza, the dynamic wall leading to the public bathroom that was a perfect background for portraits. I snapped a picture of the Lilac Lemonade and whatever else I found interesting or fun.

Remembering Joy

As we drove back down the highway, back to everyday life, back to the same day to day I felt excited. I had a little bit of joy to share. I had a story to post. I found a little beauty in the chaos. Choosing the imperfect opened the door for me to remember how much fun I can have. It gave me a creative boost to jump back into enjoying my life as an artist. There was a version of my life where this was easy. Photographing for the love of it was fun and mostly how I spent my time. Especially in college. Here I am six years later starting over in a way again. Only this time I am learning that Joy is fuel that has to be found. Dug out of the ordinary, pulled out of the mundane. It may not be the perfect performance for social media, or quite on brand but I think the balance will lead to renewed creativity across my entire life.

What about you? How do you find joy when you've lost it? After facing challenges that you've never faced before? Let me know on Instagram @bethanyjphotography.